I’m am sick and fucking tired of people right now. It’s not like I’ve been secretive about what’s going on with me right now. I’ve told people flat out – my “issues” have become Issues, I’m medicated, this is difficult for me. You would think that people would quit dumping their bullshit on me, right? Nope, that is not the case, Pixelated Space. If anything, it seems like more and more people feel the need to unload their fucking drama and bullshit on me. Cause, yanno, I don’t have enough on my plate. I need to hear about how loveless your marriage is, how horrible people are trashing other people, how high school people are while you’re fucking involved in the bullshit.

I want to scream, I want to cry. I am not your personal emotional crutch. I am not a dumping ground for your drama. Your bullshit has no place here. I know it’s partly my own fault that they think these things are okay in general. I let them do it, I let them use me as their dumping ground. That is my fault and I’m trying like hell to not fall into that position again. But now? When I have stated very plainly how difficult this is for me? How very hard ALL of it is for me? I have enough shit to deal with all on my own. I have enough emotional and mental bullshit that’s all my own that I have to deal with every fucking hour of every fucking day. I just can’t deal with your bullshit, too. Where’s my emotional crutch, hm? Where’s my bullshit dumping ground? Yea, no one’s willing to listen to ME when I NEED them to. It’s fine when you just want to hear about stupid crap, but when I really need someone? Where the fuck is everybody then?! Cause they’re not there, I can tell you that much.

Everyone telling me how my meds are effecting me, how I was so much better before them, how I don’t really need this sort of thing.. I was going to fucking kill myself, people. I wasn’t just thinking about it. I was preparing for it. I had lists so people could divvy up my pathetic possessions. How do you not understand that? Yea, the meds fucking suck and no they’re not working like I [and the docs] had hoped, but it’s not a fucking miracle pill. I don’t know why I expected a little more care and understanding from everyone. Maybe I thought that since they either had problems themselves or knew someone who did, that they would Get It. That they would understand how fucking hard this is.. But no one cares about how I am doing with all of this..

I’m just done. I have nothing left in me to give. Cause the tiny bit left is the only thing that’s keeping me together and it keeps getting frayed with this shit. I can’t. I’m done.